


i want you to sing

by littlesaintmick



Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Getting Back Together, M/M, as per usual i don't really know what to tag this with, becky lynch and sami zayn, discussions of past drug abuse, it's a moxlea fic though!! keep that in mind!, past drug abuse, special appearances by taylor black, y'all know i loves my moxlea content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 02:17:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19416439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlesaintmick/pseuds/littlesaintmick
Summary: you know that one darius rucker song? yeah.





	i want you to sing

**Author's Note:**

> YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO POST/REPOST ANY OF THIS FAN WORK, FULL OR IN PART, OR TO USE IT IN VIDEO/DISCUSSION, WHETHER FOR MONETARY GAIN OR NOT. LEGAL ACTION WILL BE TAKEN AGAINST VIOLATIONS.

Jon tried to keep his leg from bouncing. He really didn’t succeed, but he tried, he didn’t want to be too twitchy. His parole officer had never minded, but he always  _ thought _ she’d mind. He brought his hand up to his mouth, biting at his thumb. Having his thumb in his mouth was something he needed to get over, he knew that, but it was hard. He heard a sigh from the other side of the desk.

“Sorry, Miss Jacqueline.”

Jacqueline looked at him for a long moment, and smiled, shaking her head.    
“Don’t apologize. I’m just trying to find something that’ll work for you.”

Jon nodded, shoving his thumb in his mouth more. He hated waiting, he hated depending on other people, he hated...pretty much everything about his current situation. Jon was getting a little better about hating himself, at least. That was progress. His leg bounced almost non-stop. 

“There is an opening at a company we’ve sent a few people to before, and I think it’ll be a good fit for you.”

Jon pulled his thumb out of his mouth long enough to talk.

“What would I be doing?”

“Truck repair. Semis, big trucks, company vans and the like.”

Jon nodded. He was good at things like that, with problem solving and machines and engines. At least it wasn’t customer service. He’d end up killing someone if he had to work as a cashier.

“Okay. That sounds good. Thank-thank you, Miss Jacqueline.”

She smiled at him again, and that made him feel a little better. He liked Miss Jacqueline, and he knew she thought it was funny that he never just called her by her first name. 

\---

“Hey! Don’t throw shit across the shop!”

Jon looked up from under the hood of the truck he was currently working on-he didn’t know what this damn driver had done to it, but Jon was close to tracking him down and smacking the shit out of him-and looked to where Booker-his boss-was standing, his arms crossed over his chest, staring out at Taylor and Becky. They were both grinning, and Jon rolled his eyes, ducking back under the hood. They were troublemakers.

Like, he was too, so he couldn’t really say shit about it, but he did try to focus more on his work while he was actually on the clock. He didn’t want to go back to-well. He wanted to stay a free man.

A few moments later, and he heard two now-familiar voices from below him. 

“Jon, you busy tonight?”

Becky’s accent was deep and her voice a little scratchy-her band had probably performed recently-and Jon climbed down from the truck, wiping his hands on a rag. Becky Lynch and Taylor Black had quickly wriggled their way into being his friends, and Jon, surprisingly, didn’t mind all that much. Becky was a kickass lesbian chick who fronted an all Irish and Scottish punk band, and Taylor was….kind of an asshole, but hell, Jon would be an asshole too if he was a trans girl who’d been forced to stay in a men’s prison. That shit could NOT be good for your mental health. 

Taylor popped her gum and tossed a piece at him. 

“Here. Maybe it’ll help keep your thumb out of your mouth.”

Jon glared at her. She was still kind of an asshole just on her own, though.

“No, I’m not busy tonight. Why?”

“We’re going out, thought you might wanna come.”

Jon sighed, chewing on the gum. He did want to spend time with his friends, but…

“I don’t really-’go out’ anymore. Clubs and bars aren’t really all that fun when you can’t-it’s just not my thing anymore.”

Becky leaned on the front of the semi, and Taylor pouted. 

“We won’t let you drink, if you’re worried.”

Jon’s leg bounced up and down, and Becky sighed.

“Listen man, you don’t have to come, but you’re welcome to.”

Jon nodded. He did trust that they wouldn’t let him drink or consume anything-both of them had had similar problems in the past and they were both sober, thankfully, but he still didn’t like being around alcohol. He didn’t even like going near the beer aisle at the store. Jon sighed and kept chewing at the gum. 

“Maybe next time. I think I wanna stay in tonight anyway.”

Taylor was still pouting, but she and Becky left to do whatever work they were definitely supposed to be doing. Jon sighed again and went to find the replacement part he needed for the truck, listening to Becky and Booker yelling across the shop. 

\---

It was raining outside, and Jon didn’t like it. He had liked rain most of his life, but now it just made him tired. He wasn’t tired enough to sleep, because life was a horrible bitch goddess like that, and he rolled over in bed, reaching under the mattress for the little velvet bag he kept there, that he’d kept in a safe place in the hospital and the rehab center. He pulled out the compass-it wasn’t shiny like it used to be, but it still worked, and he rather liked the worn-down look of it. It seemed more right. He rubbed his thumb over the little scratches on the metal, and he opened the compass to look at it.

It was far from fancy, and they’d found it at a weird hippie shop years and years ago, in their sophomore year in high school. ‘They’. Jon and...him. He let himself look at the little picture on the inside of the compass’ cover, and tried not to feel too desperately, painfully sad. If there was one thing he regretted in his life-and he didn’t regret a lot, he didn’t think regret really served any purpose, most of the time-it was losing Leakee. 

Leakee Iupeli had been Jon’s best friend and his first-and thus far only-love. He’d adored the boy, even though they were from very different worlds. Jon lived in government housing and spent most of his time on his own, having no real family to be there with him, and Leakee had been from a well-off family who cared about him. Not that he hadn’t had his struggles-Jon only met Leakee and talked to him because he’d been forced to go to a rec center and had come across Leakee being tutored. They snuck away to just...well, get away from the vibe of the rec center, and Jon had found out that Leakee had a lot of troubles learning and reading. They’d traded traumas, trials, and tribulations, and from then on, they’d just...focused on each other. They’d spent almost every day of three and a half years together, a year into that period they’d began dating, and Jon had only ever wanted to be with Leakee. He was….such an amazing boy, in every way; he was a little cocky, but it was cute, not annoying. He’d been kind and sweet, and patient. Incredibly patient.

And it hadn’t been enough. 

Jon had seen to that. 

He’d been stupid, he thought, as he gently ran his fingertip over the picture. They’d taken it a year before they-before Jon left. They’d been at an amusement park that had had a photobooth, and gotten a few pictures, and Leakee had surprised Jon a few days later by putting one of them-it was of them both smiling, cheeks pressed together, looking into the camera-into the compass. Jon had treasured it ever since. Ever since he’d been stupid. Dumbest thing he’d ever done was breaking up with Leakee, with the only person who was happily and fully his friend, the only person who’d ever put up with his shit and not made him feel like a terrible person. It was Jon’s fault entirely, he knew Leakee had never wanted to break up, but Jon was too intent on his high, stuck in chasing needles and powders and bottles. 

Jon listened to the rain, the metal of the compass slowly warming in his hands. He missed Leakee. He missed him a whole goddamn lot. 

He thought about that night pretty often. Same night he and Leakee broke up as the night he left. He just...up and left. God. That had been dumb. Left the only person he’d ever loved to spend two years in a haze of drugs and alcohol, until he’d ended up in a mental hospital for two years and a rehab center for another.

Five and a half years since he’d seen Leakee. Since he’d seen him in tears as Jon told him it would be better if Leakee had never met Jon, if-well. There had been a lot of that sort of talk. The head doctors had all told Jon how to stop talking like that, and it was hard, but he was doing better. He didn’t hate himself…..as much as he had. Still kinda did, cause hate was a stronger feeling than it was a word, but the doctors and the rehab people had told him that progress is progress, even if it’s small. 

Jon sighed, and rolled onto his side, leaving the compass open and setting it on the bed next to him. 

Progress seemed a lot less worth it when Leakee wasn’t here to see it.

\---

“Just pick something, would you?”

Becky sounded annoyed, but Becky usually sounded annoyed, so Jon wasn’t shocked. Taylor huffed, blowing a strand of hair out of her face. 

“Well, excuse me for wanting to look nice for Prinx.”

Jon laid on Taylor’s bed, on his front, his chin on his forearms. Prinx-pronounced ‘prince’-was the guitarist in Becky’s band, another Irish-well, person, since Prinx wasn’t really a boy or a girl, but they and Taylor had been dating since Becky had introduced them, and Taylor was always nervous about how she looked pre-date. Which Jon didn’t get. Taylor was pretty...pretty, for lack of a better word. Big warm brown eyes and a cute face, and, as Jon had pointed out on multiple occasions during their somewhat vitriolic and never serious flirting, a very nice body. Prinx would never think she looked bad.

“Why don’t you show off your legs? They’re gonna end up between ‘em anyway, might as well just put the focus there.”

Taylor seemed to consider it for a moment before nodding. 

“I hate to say it, but that’s a good point.”

She dug through her closet until she pulled out a tiny,  _ tiny _ tight blue dress, quickly changing into it, making sure her chest was pushed up and out. She turned and held her arms out.

“Well?”

“Damn. If I weren’t tied down, I’d put you on the bed right now.”

Taylor and Jon rolled their eyes, but they knew Becky probably wasn’t entirely kidding. But she was wholly and truly dedicated to her wife, and Taylor-despite her habit of flirting with anything near her-was far too interested in Prinx to have eyes or hands for anyone else. Taylor sat at her vanity and pulled on boots that went up to her thighs, and Jon grinned and whistled. Taylor rolled her eyes, but he saw a blush on her cheeks. 

“Shut up. Are they even gonna let him in?”

Becky looked up from her phone. 

“Yeah, don’t see why not. It’s a lesbian bar, not the fuckin’ army.”

Jon watched as Taylor finished up getting ready. He’d finally caved and agreed to go out with them, to one of Becky’s favorite bars, and he sighed. 

“You look good, Tay.”

Taylor stood and gave a little twirl, a big smile on her face.

“You think?”

“Prinx’ll lose their mind, babe.”

Taylor ducked her head down and Becky stood, pushing her hair back. It was getting long now, but she was keeping it shaved on the sides. It was a good look. Jon fought the urge to sigh again, following the girls to Becky’s car. He sat in the back-he was the tallest and broadest of all of them and liked the space to spread out-and, for whatever reason, his mind strayed to the compass sitting in the little velvet bag under his mattress. 

“Oh, Jon, I forgot to tell you, I set you up with a friend of mine.”

Jon quite literally felt a snap in his brain at that.

“What?”

Taylor scrolled through a few songs until she settled on one. 

“You need to get laid, bud. You’ll like him, he’s really nice and hot-”

“I appreciate the thought, but I’m not really looking to date right now-”

“So? At least fuck him or something.”

Jon shifted until he was wrapped up in himself, trying to make himself seem small. He shoved his thumb into his mouth and frowned around it. He really didn’t want to date. Unhealthy though it may be, he couldn’t help but feel a little like...he was cheating on Leakee. He knew that was ridiculous; not only were they not together anymore, but Leakee had undoubtedly found a myriad of much, much better partners since they’d broken up. He knew it was stupid, to feel like he had to somehow stay ‘true’ to Leakee, but….he did feel that way, one way or another. He’d never even had a crush on anyone but Leakee. Jon wasn’t sure he’d know what to do with someone else. 

Becky stopped at a red light, and Taylor turned to look at Jon over her shoulder.

“If you really, really don’t want to, I’ll tell him to cancel. But it might be good for you. At least to give him a shot.”

“What’s the worst that could happen, Jon?”

Jon frowned and sucked on his thumb, biting down on it a little. What could go wrong.

\---

So Taylor had been right. The guy was nice. Syrian, cute, redheaded, big sweet eyes. He and Jon had gone to a little club where a local ska band was playing, they’d danced and had a good time and were now at an almost-hidden Israeli restaurant, sitting across from one another and trading stories about past concerts and shows. 

Sami grinned at him, and he really did have a cute, sweet smile. Everything about Sami so far was just that, sweet, and Jon felt terrible about that. 

“Taylor told me that you’re one of the best mechanics in the shop. Have you worked with trucks for a long time?”

“Uh...not really, no, but I’ve-I’m good with stuff like that, you know? Machines and technical shit.”

“She mentioned you being a genius, too.”

Jon rolled his eyes, but smiled. It was nice that his friend was apparently trying to be his hype woman.

“Not really a genius, I hate that word, but-I don’t know. Every test I’ve ever took has said something to that effect. Teachers were always pissed off at me cause I didn’t really try that hard in school, so I’d fail anyway.”

“Not a fan of school?”

Jon shrugged, stirring his drink around with his straw. 

“Yeah, not really. Never interested me, you know? Just felt...fuckin’ pointless.”

Sami nodded. He’d been understanding of everything Jon had said so far, and that also only made Jon feel worse. He glanced up at Sami and sighed. 

“Hey, listen, I-you’re really cool, and you’re-a fuckin’ peach, honest to God, you’re a sweetheart, and you’re gorgeous, and I’ve had an awesome time tonight, but….I’m not-I’m not really-”

Sami smiled-it was a little less bright than his earlier expressions, but not by much. It was understanding, and sweet, like he’d been the whole entire goddamn night. 

“You’re really amazing, too, Jon, but….I know what you mean. Not really feeling...that kind of spark, huh?”

Jon had the decency to blush.

“Yeah. I mean-again, you’re great, but-”

Sami bit his lip, reaching out and touching Jon’s arm.

“Don’t feel bad. It seems like you might be a little hung up on something, and that’s okay. Even though I’m not really feeling that sort of way with you either, I still had a really good time tonight and I’d be more than happy to just...you know...hang out, sometime. Taylor said Prinx and Becky have a show next weekend, we should all go together!”

Jon smiled, his cheeks still a little warm. 

“That sounds cool, dude.”

Sami brightened up fully again, happily talking on and on about the most recent of Becky’s shows that he’d been to and how he and Brie-Becky’s wife-had danced on a table until almost getting kicked out of the venue, and Jon listened and laughed and enjoyed his night out.

\---

Jon groaned, resting his head against the cabinet door for a minute. 

“Of course. Okay.”

He talked to himself a lot. The head doctors had tried to get him to stop, but he didn’t care. He liked talking to himself. Better than being lonely all the goddamn time. He fought the urge to stick his thumb in his mouth as he went to put on his shoes-he hadn’t wanted to put off making dinner, but he was missing a key spice, and he would rather be in the cold, cold ground than make chili without cumin. 

The very  _ idea _ . 

He grabbed his keys and got into his car-Booker had sold it to him and he was very grateful for that-making his way to the store. This was actually Jon’s day off, and he’d been having a mostly alright day so far, and this….didn’t get him down too much, not as much as it would have years ago. Jon took a second in the parking lot, before getting out of his car, to consider that. It made him feel good, which was a terribly unusual feeling for Jon. 

He put in his earbuds-he could  _ not _ handle grocery stores without music blasting in his ears-and headed inside, going to the baking aisle and looking through the spices. He moved his head a little to the beat, grabbing what he needed-with a few other spices, just because it was always good to have extra on hand-and grabbing a box of brownie mix and a box of cherry jello, too. He figured he had the time, he might as well make his favorite dessert. 

He thought for a moment and decided to grab a new toothbrush while he was there, and turned the corner and got knocked flat on his ass by a cart. He didn’t catch himself, but landed on his elbow in a way that hurt like a son of a bitch.

“Ow! Fucking-shit, ow-”

He dropped his things in order to grab his arm, quickly-almost absent-mindedly, he’d done this so many times before-checking to make sure nothing was broken or out of place. Jon winced and pushed at his elbow, making sure it was righted, his earbuds falling out of his ears in time to hear a voice. 

“J-Jon? Jon….Moxley?”

Jon froze; it was a weird mix of sensations, in that moment. The voice simultaneously covered him in a chill like ice water being dumped on him, and struck a soft, easy warmth in a part of him that had been buried for years. He was almost afraid to look up.

No, he wasn’t, not ‘almost’; he was most  _ assuredly _ terrified to look up. Even deeper as it now was, he knew that voice.

“Is-are you-”

He forced his head up in a rather jerking motion, and saw Leakee standing behind the cart. His eyes went wide enough for his eyelids to hurt a little, and his lips parted in a quiet breath. 

“Lea?”

It had been years since he’d even said his damn name and somehow it still felt perfect rolling off his tongue. The shortened nickname he’d started using a few weeks after they met, and Leakee had always rolled his eyes and smiled.

He saw Leakee inhale, and they stared at each other for a long moment. Jon took the opportunity to-well, first, to break past the surreality of this situation, to force his brain back into the real world. He’d had so many problems deciphering what was real and what wasn’t, and he was worried now that he was actually just sitting on the grocery store floor, talking to air. But this felt real, deep inside him, this felt real-maybe that was worse. He then, once he’d decided that yes, that  _ was _ in fact the love of his life standing in front of him, he took in Leakee’s appearance-not so different, really. Bigger than he’d been, thicker everywhere, which was saying something. Leakee was always gorgeously big. But his facial hair had grown in, trimmed and neat around his mouth and chin, and his hair-that was the biggest change. It had been buzzed close to his scalp for the whole time that they’d known each other, but it was long now, reaching down to his shoulders. It was wavy and dark and Jon wanted to know what made him grow it out. 

“I-what are-what are you doing here?”

Jon blinked up at Leakee.

“I ran out of cumin.”

Leakee blinked back, his eyes still as warm as they were the first day they’d met. 

“You-”

He went quiet, before nervously laughing, the sound growing until it reached the loud, deep laugh that Jon had been accustomed to for so long. Jon had to laugh, too. Who wouldn’t laugh, in a situation like this?

Leakee ended up crouching down, still laughing, and Jon could only stare. Leakee looked at him, tears in his eyes, and his voice was...there was a very particular and difficult-to-describe quality to it. 

“I can’t believe you’re here, I-I can’t-”

“Y-yeah...uh-I-what are you-do you live around here?”

Leakee nodded, wiping his hand over his eyes. 

“I do, I moved to this state for college, then came to this area once I got a job. What-when did you move here?”

It was a little odd, considering that Jon was still sitting on his ass and holding his elbow, and Leakee was crouching, and they were right at the end of an aisle in a not not-busy grocery store, but he wanted to stay like this for as long as possible. 

“Um-couple months ago. Got-uh-got a job-”

They were quiet again, and Leakee’s eyes widened.

“Oh! Oh my God, I’m sorry, I didn’t even-I didn’t even apologize, shit, are you okay? Is anything hurt?”

“I’m good, I-still not sure if you’re real, but-”

“I am. I’m-here, see-”

Leakee pulled out his phone and typed something quickly, holding it out for Jon to see. Jon’s brain had never been able to fabricate coherent written text of any kind, so it had always been a surefire way to help him out of any dissociative state. Leakee had remembered that.

“Oh. Y-thank you, for-I’m-what the fuck do we do-”

Leakee bit his lip, kneeling fully and picking up the things Jon had dropped. He smiled at the box of brownies and jello.

“Your favorite.”

Jon swallowed. Everything felt very bright, under the fluorescents of the grocery store, and the cement felt cold under him. Leakee held everything in one arm and stood, holding his free hand out to Jon. Jon took it, looking up.

“I….I don’t really know.”

Leakee helped him up, and they didn’t immediately let go of one another. 

“Uh...shit.”

“Yeah.”

Jon bit at his lip, trying to distract himself as he felt the full wave of…..everything hitting him. 

“Lea-I-”

“Jon, I know-”

“No, you-you really don’t, I-”

Jon ducked his head down, staring at the floor. His voice was small and heavy with shame and sadness, the two feelings that had permeated his thoughts of Leakee for years now.

“-a lot happened, Lea-”

He heard things being dropped in the cart before large, warm hands took hold of his, pulling them up and squeezing.

“You can tell me all about it, now that-you’re here, I’m here, I wanna know everything.”

That sort of broke the wall down, inside of Jon, and he didn’t even bother trying to keep the tears in. He couldn’t. Even as much as he hated-truly, purely  _ hated _ crying, he couldn’t not, not right now. He stepped forward just a little, and Leakee responded easily, immediately, wrapping his arms around Jon’s shoulders. He held him tight, holding Jon’s head against his neck, letting him hide against him. Jon just let his arms hang at his sides, tugging at the hem of Leakee’s tshirt, crying on Leakee’s shoulder. It shocked the hell out of him that Leakee would even consider this. Comforting him, holding him, saying the soft, quiet things he was saying to Jon now. He’d hurt him so damn bad, how could he just…

“Cause you’re important to me, Jon, you’ve never stopped-I’ve always cared about you-”

Oh. So he’d said those things out loud. 

“Jon, c’mere, let’s get out of the way.”

They moved to the side of the aisle, Jon immediately pressing against Leakee again, and Leakee’s arms went right back around Jon, holding him tight. Leakee smelled good. He smelled familiar and there was just a hint of something sweet and Jon wanted to bury himself in that scent. He sniffled against him, trying to get his tears under control. Leakee’s big, warm hand rubbed up and down his back, finally resting around his waist, and it felt so normal and right that Jon could almost trick himself into thinking they’d never been apart. 

He finally managed to stop crying and pulled away, sniffling again and looking at Leakee. 

“Uh-shit, uh-sorry, sorry for-”

“It’s okay. I….I’m just happy to see you.”

Jon frowned, shaking his head.

“H-how? Why? How can you be happy to see me, I-”

“Jon-let’s get out of here, and we can talk more, okay? I know you’re not looking to have a big come to Jesus meeting here in the Winco.”

Well. That was true. Jon didn’t like emoting in public for the most part, and he nodded, wiping the back of his hand over his eyes.

“Y-yeah. Okay-uh. Shit. Do you wanna come over?”

Leakee smiled at him, the soft, sweet smile that had him blush a little, too. 

“Gonna share those brownies with me?”

Jon wanted to cry again, but he nodded. 

“I have a few more things I need to grab. How about-I’ll go take my stuff to my place, and-give me your address, I’ll come over once I’m done.”

“That sounds-yeah. That sounds good. Um. Do you wanna….can I just...walk with you?”

Leakee nodded, reaching out and squeezing Jon’s hand. 

“Of course.”

Jon still didn’t feel quite real. He walked alongside Leakee, his things still in Leakee’s cart, and he shoved his hands into his pocket. 

“What-what do you do now?”

“For work?”

Jon nodded and watched Leakee grab a few things off a shelf.

“I work-um...for a non-profit, actually, that...works with younger drug addicts.”

Jon stopped, staring. 

“Is-did you get into that cause of-”

Leakee nodded, looking down. He reached up and brushed a strand of hair behind his ear-it was still odd to see him with long hair.

“I-yeah. I didn’t-I thought….if I knew how to help, then-I don’t know. When...when you left, it-I guess I needed to feel like I could stop that from happening to other people.”

Well,  _ that _ certainly made Jon feel like he was about to take another ride down the shame slide. 

“I’m sorry.”

Leakee blinked at him.

“Oh-uh. Don’t be, not for-that, I-I really like my job, and-I’m still in school, too, cause I wanna get my law degree-I did the best I could to turn the hurt from that into something good, and….I don’t-I don’t blame you or anything-that might be something we need to talk about when we’re home, though.”

Something about the phrasing of that made Jon feel warm. ‘When we’re home’. Like they had a home together. 

“Okay, that...yeah.”

“What about you? And I just gotta grab one more thing, then we can get going.”

Leakee was still confident. Still self-assured, even shaken as he clearly was by this. 

“I’m workin’ at-I’m a mechanic, for a company, I work on trucks and semis and stuff. My-she’s kinda my parole officer set it up.” 

“You were always really good with machines. Do you-do you enjoy it?”

They made their way to the register-they each had few enough things that they could use the self-checkout, which was nice, and Jon watched as Leakee scanned and paid for his things. He looked beautiful. It was ridiculous that someone could make buying groceries look beautiful.

“Yeah, it’s-it’s alright. I’m….good at it. And I made some friends there, too, and that’s been. Nice, I guess.”

Leakee finished paying, and Jon started on his own purchase. Leakee leaned against his cart, watching. Jon tried not to blush under the scrutiny. 

“You look-you look really good.”

No doubt better than he had when he left. 

“You…you do, too. I like….I like your hair. What-when did you start growing it out?”

Leakee visibly blushed and reached up, brushing his hair back. 

“In my first year of college. I just-I needed to try something new, you know?”

Jon nodded and finished buying and bagging his things, following Leakee out to the parking lot. He held his bag with both hands, biting his lip. 

“Uh-I guess-if you still wanna...talk, and all that-you need my address-”

Leakee paused in putting his bags in his car, holding out his phone. 

“Here, put your number in and I’ll text you, then you can send me your address.”

Jon just did as he was told; he couldn’t really imagine not doing what Leakee asked of him, not anymore. He handed the phone back and Leakee quickly texted him, smiling at him.

“If...I really want-I really wanna do this, I do, cause-Jon...I missed you, so much, for-every day-”

“I missed you too-I-do you still not like spicy food?”

Leakee laughed, and nodded. 

“No, I don’t. I can’t believe you remember that.”

“‘Course I remember. I’ll make sure dinner’s not too hot.”

Leakee sighed, and Jon really didn’t want to part from him, even knowing that Leakee wanted to see him that very night.

“I’ll send you my address?”

“I’ll be over as soon as I get these put up.”

Watching Leakee get in the driver’s seat was hard. It felt like he was never going to see him again, but as the car pulled away, Jon texted his address. In case all this was really real and Leakee actually wanted to talk to him. Jon left to his own car and got in, taking a few deep breaths and making sure he felt real and stable enough to drive-he’d driven while dissociating before and ended up a hundred and ninety miles from the place he’d been staying with no memory of how he’d gotten there. Once he was sure he was okay to drive, he headed back to his apartment. It was a short drive, which was good, because he wanted to focus on getting dinner started, instead of  _ why _ he was so eager to get dinner started. 

His phone dinged as he was pouring spices in the pot, and he grabbed it to see the message. He was trying to keep his hopefulness down-it was probably Leakee saying he couldn’t make it. Jon took a deep breath and unlocked his phone.

‘ _ you’re not gonna believe this. you live about half a mile away from me i don’t think it’s even that much _ ’

Jon blanked. He stared at the screen. 

‘ _ jon? do you still want me to come over _ ?’

Oh. Right. Yeah. You actually had to reply to texts. 

‘ _ yeah of course i do i can’t believe u really live that close _ ’

‘ _ me either, but i’ll be there soon _ !!’

Leakee ended his message with a string of emojis and Jon tried not to think about how damn warm that made him feel. He went about tidying up-the chili was simmering and the brownies were cooking and the jello was in the fridge so he didn’t have to think about the food at this point, and he knew his apartment wasn’t all that dirty, it’s not like he owned that much in the first place, but he wanted-

He really wanted Leakee to be impressed. 

There was a knock on the door right before Jon had to pull the brownies out, and he called out while grabbing an oven mitt.

“Come in!”

He tried not to blush upon hearing the door open and instead focused on the task literally at hand. Once they were sitting on the counter, he turned, and was still struck through to his core with love at the sight of Leakee. He was just….so beautiful. He was standing in Jon’s living room in worn jeans and a plaid overshirt and a thin henley under that and it wasn’t anything special, but God, he made the simplest of things look like a fucking Renaissance painting. 

“Hey.”

Leakee smiled, and Jon felt the air leave him.

“Hey. I-I can’t believe you’ve been this close to me for-for however long you’ve been living here.”

“Yeah, I-crazy, huh. I-I’ve been in town for a few months now-”

“And that whole time-”

Leakee’s voice was quiet, and he ducked his head down, a few strands of his tied-back hair falling in his face. Jon wanted to move closer to him, but he wasn’t sure his legs would move. 

“You wanna sit down? I can-do you want something to drink? I mean-I don’t have-I don’t have booze or anything-”

“I wouldn’t want it.”

Jon tilted his head, and Leakee glanced at him.

“I don’t….I don’t drink. At all, I-I couldn’t.”

Welp. Back on the shame slide for Jon. 

“Um…..water would be nice, though.”

Jon nodded and got two glasses of water-with ice, because he remembered that both he and Leakee liked ice-cold water, and he sat down on the couch with Leakee. They were quiet for a moment, sitting mostly facing each other. 

“Jon, what-what happened?”

Time to get it over with. Jon took a deep breath. 

“I…..I….I fucked up. Really-really goddamn bad, Lea, I-all of that-leaving everything, leaving you, was the biggest fucking mistake of my life-I-I just lived in a fuckin’ haze for two years, I did drugs-I did a lot of drugs, Lea-and I drank all the time and I-I almost-it’s a fuckin’ miracle I’m here and it’s-it’s a fucking goddamn miracle you even wanna look at me after what I did to you-”

Jon was crying. Again. He hated crying. He really did, but…he felt like he needed to, here, with Leakee. 

“-I-I never ever wanted to hurt you and I know I did, and I-that’s the only thing I ever done that I regret cause I loved-I love you so much and you were my best friend in the whole world and I threw all that shit away just to get high and-”

He had to stop for a second. Leakee didn’t speak, and Jon appreciated that, for the moment. He needed to tell Leakee about everything. 

“I-um-after about-umm….two years, I got-I got busted with a bunch of drugs on me but I guess I got lucky cause I got put into a mental hospital instead-”

Leakee quietly, but noticeably, inhaled.

“-and-uh-they kinda set me right. I got-I got a lot of help for my head and all that stuff and then I got put into rehab for a year-cause I had been doing a whole whole lot of shit, it-it got so bad-”

Jon felt his lip wobbling and he knew he must look terribly pathetic, but Leakee still didn’t speak.

“-I did-fuck, I did shit like meth a couple of times and-I hated myself, I hated-I hated myself for everything, for everything I put in my body and did to myself and for-for leaving you. Giving you up….I can never take that back and-and I really want to cause I know I wouldn’t have been such a fuck-up if I’d let you help me and I really love you and wanted your help but I was stupid-”

Jon had to stop at that point, for a few minutes, and he cried into his hands. He hated thinking about leaving Leakee, and that hate was only stronger with Leakee right in front of him.

“I’m not mad at you.”

He heard it over his own tears. 

“Jon-I’m not mad at you. I promise. I know you need to be told that and reassured, so I’m saying it now. I was, for a while. After the shock had worn off, I was a little mad, but more than anything, I was just….scared.”

Jon lifted his head and looked at Leakee. He had...the saddest look on his face, too similar to the face he had the night Jon left. 

“I was so afraid that-that I’d lost you forever, that something had happened to you and you’d been hurt or you’d-”

Leakee shut his eyes tight and took a few deep breaths. He couldn’t even bring himself to say it, and Jon felt a fresh lump in his throat. 

“-I tried to find you, I looked-I asked everyone, I looked for a year, cause-I really-I didn’t know what to do without you-I had to repeat my last year of high school cause I-you were always helping me and I felt like I’d driven you away and that I didn’t deserve help, and I never found you-”

Leakee was blaming himself? Jon felt a genuine pain in his middle at that.

“I don’t think-I don’t think there’s been a day that I haven’t thought about you. I still have-”

Jon watched as Leakee reached under the collar of his shirt, pulling out a-Jon brought his hand up to his mouth, covering the sob he let out. It was a little cross, nothing fancy, made of steel, on a thin chain. 

“-I kept this and I wear it every day, cause I-”

“You still have-”

Jon had made that for Leakee on what had been their last Christmas together. He’d managed to convince the welding teacher at their school to let him use stuff from the class, so long as he cleaned everything in the shop. Leakee had been really excited when he’d opened the box, Jon remembered that. 

Leakee bit his lip, letting the cross rest on his chest. 

“Jon, I never-once I started learning more about drug and alcohol addiction, I-I understood it more and why you left and-what you were going through, and-I still….I know what was going on in your body, and-how it affected your brain-but-I don’t want to make you feel bad-”

“Just say it-”

“.....I was really, really hurt by what happened, and-it’s-you hurt me. You did. I don’t-I know that and I know how this might sound, but-”

Jon prepared himself for the worst, tense in every muscle of his body.

“-but I don’t know if I fucking care, now that you’re in front of me-”

“What?”

Jon’s head shot up. Leakee was staring at him, tears tracked down over his gorgeous face. He looked like an angel. 

“I don’t-Jon, I’ve thought about you for five years, I’ve loved you and missed you for that whole time, and-you’re here. I don’t care what happened back then, cause-I’ve always just wanted you back. That’s all I’ve wanted and I have that now and-”

Leakee reached out and Jon met him halfway. 

“-I don’t care anymore. You’re here and alive and healthy and I want to be a part of your life, still.”

Jon squeezed Leakee’s hand and felt another wave of tears. He really couldn’t stop crying, not with Leakee’s warm, big hand holding his own. 

“How-how can you even wanna be near me?”

Leakee leaned forward, just a little, and caught Jon’s gaze. 

“I love you. That’s it. I love you, and I wanna be with you, and that’s stronger than anything else I’ve felt for the past five years.”

Jon didn’t say anything for a few minutes, but he did scoot closer to Leakee on the couch, their hands still clasped together. He could feel the warmth of Leakee’s body, as close as they were, and he felt like it was their first time being close all over again. It was odd; it really did feel like this was the first time they’d held hands or been close, but there was a distinct sense of muscle memory, of knowing. 

“I love you, too, Lea. I’ve-I never stopped, I never stopped loving you ever-”

“Jon-”

“I knew I shouldn’t have left you I’m sorry for everything-”

Leakee easily pulled Jon close, and Jon let him, falling against Leakee and wrapping his arms around him-he was so soft and warm everywhere, and Jon wanted to hide against him forever. He pressed his face against Leakee’s neck and squeezed him tight, feeling Leakee softly talking to him. Reassuring him and comforting him, and Jon knew he was probably getting Leakee’s tshirt covered in tears and snot and spit and that was probably gross, but God. He really needed this. He hadn’t cried since he’d been in the hospital, not like this. 

It was about fifteen minutes of quietly holding each other before Jon pulled away, sniffling and wiping his hand over his face. He sniffled again and coughed, his throat and eyes hurting from the strain. 

“Um-I think dinner’s ready, if you-if you wanna eat.”

“I’d like that. You were always really good in the kitchen.”

Jon blushed-cooking was one of the few things he did that he was proud of his ability in, and he stood, handing Leakee his remote. 

“If you wanna put something on, you can.”

Leakee had a soft, sweet smile on his face, and Jon rushed off to the kitchen to get their food ready. It gave him a moment to breathe, too; that had been a lot. Leakee loved him. Leakee wanted him, wanted to be in his life. Leakee  _ loved _ him. Jon returned to the couch with two big bowls of chili and sat with his knees pulled up, curled up as best he could. He glanced at Leakee and saw him smiling.

“What?”

“You cold?”

Jon ducked his head down. 

“Y-yeah. Kinda.”

Leakee handed Jon his bowl before standing, grabbing the blanket that had been under him, and he draped it over Jon’s lap before sitting back down, a little closer than before.

“Can’t believe you remember that.”

“I remember everything about you. Kinda-you’re kinda hard to forget.”

Jon handed Leakee his food back and poked at his own with his spoon. 

“Mighta been better for you to forget.”

“I don’t think so. You’re-no. Forgetting you wouldn’t do me any good.”

Jon kept poking at his food. 

“You really….I'm really happy you hit me with your cart.”

Leakee laughed, and Jon swore he felt the whole damn universe in that moment.

“Sorry about that, I got distracted by a waffle mix box-sorry. Think my brain just flopped. Your arm doesn't hurt, does it?” 

“Not really, and-I've had worse, y'know?”

Leakee flipped through channels, pushing his shoes off and getting comfortable. Jon started eating as Leakee settled on a reality tv show. It was a nice background noise, and they both ate quietly for a few minutes. 

“God, Jon, this is amazing.”

Jon blushed, glancing at Leakee.

“Thank you, I-I'm happy you like it.”

“Have you thought about doing this professionally?”

Jon shrugged, chewing on a thick chunk of pork. 

“I don't know, um-I mean...I guess, a handful of times. Don't know if I could cut it in culinary school.”

Leakee huffed out a laugh and nudged Jon with his knee. 

“I doubt you'd need it. You're already the best cook I know.”

“You telling me you ain't met a better cook in five whole years?”

“Not one.”

His voice was so damn fond. Jon couldn't help but smile and keep eating, the show quietly prattling on through the room. Jon looked up at Leakee, watching him watch the television, eagerly eating, but not doing so too fast. 

“How’s your family doing, Lea?”

Leakee blinked and turned to look at Jon. 

“They’re-they’re doing really good. Mom and Dad are still in Florida, but they moved to Gainesville cause Mom started teaching again, Dad quit his job about three years ago and had like….a ‘finding himself’ year, and now he owns a cabinet and furniture company.”   
“Really?”

“Yeah, he’s really successful, too. Thank God he moved on to that, I think my mom was gonna go crazy if he kept trying to produce zydeco music.”

Jon snorted, having to cover his mouth and nose with one hand. Leakee laughed too, in the way that made his eyes and nose scrunch up. 

“Zydeco music?”

“Yeah, he-he got super into it, he dragged Mom to Mardi Gras that year-”

“Oh, I’m sure she had a great time, huge extrovert that she is-”

Leakee laughed a lot harder at that, his cheeks slightly flushed, and Jon wanted to watch exactly that forever.

“Shit-I know, right? That woman barely wanted to go to her own wedding, but-she did end up having fun, even though it was so packed-”

“She didn’t punch anyone, did she?”

“Well, two guys and a chick, but they deserved it-”

God. It was like they’d never been apart. Everything flowed so smoothly between them, still, easy and effortless and Jon felt peaceful, for the first time in five years. He felt peaceful, he didn’t feel afraid or the need to bounce his leg. He didn’t even need to suck his thumb. 

Well, not as much as usual, at least.

They kept talking, eating more, and Leakee had made himself fully at home very quickly. He even got up and got dessert, and he watched as Jon played with his jello for a minute before eating it, a fond smile on his face the whole time. Jon really did feel like no time had passed at all, no separation had occurred. He found himself moving closer to Leakee, slowly and probably not-so-subtly, and he didn’t notice when Leakee’s arm went around his shoulders, holding him against his side. Leakee felt even softer like that, and Jon didn’t hesitate to snuggle up against his thick middle, his head resting on Leakee’s shoulder. They were quiet for a few minutes, Leakee’s fingers trailing up and down Jon’s arm softly. 

“Lea?”

“Yeah?”

“I know I keep saying it, but….I’m sorry for what I did.”

Leakee exhaled through his nose and squeezed Jon. 

“I know you are. Jon, I don’t-when you left, I didn’t think you did it to hurt me. Even if that was a consequence, I know it was unintended. I-’specially once I started learning about it, I figured-maybe you did what you did to hurt yourself. You knew you were getting bad and instead of going for help, you wanted to punish yourself for doing something you knew was bad for you.”

Jon tensed up as Leakee talked, but not in anger. That was all….very true. 

“And….just because you hurt me doesn’t mean I can’t love you. I don’t think it’s unhealthy that I never stopped, and I’ve had a few people say that-that I should get over you and a bunch of people were-I guess under the impression that you were a real asshole about leaving, but-I remember that night, you weren’t-you weren’t mean to me, not really. You just seemed….sad.”

Jon brought his knees up to his chest, the blanket still over his lap.

“I was. I was-”

Jon sniffled and Leakee squeezed him again. 

“-I was sad cause-I knew i was doing something stupid and I knew I was doing it to hurt myself, like you said, and I knew I was leavin’ you behind-I knew I was hurting you but I always thought-for those couple of years I thought it’d be-you know. Better for you. Not having me around.”

“Oh, baby…”

Jon inhaled sharply at that. He shut his eyes for a moment, drinking in the feeling that he had at Leakee’s words. 

“-that’s-I know why you were thinking that, but-everything about life is better with you in it. Everything. That’s why-that’s why I know it’s okay-this, us, is okay.”

Jon swallowed.

“Do you-do you really wanna….be like that, with me, again?”

Leakee was quiet for a moment. 

“If-if you want that with me, then-yeah. There’s no one else I could be with, Jon. You’re-you’re it for me.”

“Have you been-did you get with other people?”

He didn’t mean the question in an accusatory way, and Leakee didn’t take it as such. 

“I tried. I dated a couple of people, messed around, but it was never-I couldn’t make it serious.”

Jon leaned against Leakee’s shoulder a little closer.

“Me too. Least-before and after I was out of everything, I tried-at first I was just...I was just fucking people to try and hurt myself, like I was doing with everything else, and-since I got out of all that, I-been on a couple dates, but...felt like I was cheating on you.”

Leakee huffed out a laugh and Jon blushed. 

“I know it’s stupid-”

“No, it’s not-I don’t think it’s stupid, it’s…..it’s very you.”

Jon turned his head and saw Leakee looking at him, a few loose strands of hair framing his face, his eyes dark and his cheeks warm. Jon glanced down at his plush, pretty lips-Leakee had always had the most gorgeous mouth-and he swallowed, moving his head forward a little. 

“Lea-I-do you wanna go to bed?”

Leakee nodded and they stood, Jon holding Leakee’s hand tight and pulling him towards the bedroom. It was just as bare as the rest of the apartment, just two stacked mattresses with lots of pillows and soft dog beds on the floor, a nightstand, his laptop. He did feel a little embarrassed by the lack of….everything, but Leakee just pulled him close, his arms going tight around Jon’s waist. Jon had forgotten they were the same height. Leakee always seemed taller in his memories. Jon leaned forward, not enough, but he could bump his nose against Leakee’s, watching as his brown eyes scrunched up. It made Jon smile, and it felt like the most honest smile he’d felt in years. 

“Baby-I really missed you, I-fuck, I missed holding you, I missed you-”

“Lea-fuck, c’mon-”

Jon stripped off his shirt and jeans, not the slightest bit embarrassed by the scars and marks he’d amassed over the years, and he laid on his bed in nothing but his boxers. Leakee stood above him, blushing before taking off his overshirt, then his jeans, leaving the henley on and getting into bed. They laid facing each other, and Jon couldn’t keep the smile off his face. He put one arm around Leakee’s thick waist, sighing and moving closer. 

“I love you.”

Leakee grinned, scooting closer and getting both arms around Jon.

“I love you, too. I-I really do, I never ever stopped for a second and-”

Leakee cupped Jon’s cheek, stroking his thumb just under his eye.    
“Can I kiss you?”

Jon blushed; when they were younger, back in high school, Leakee had asked that before they kissed for the first time. Jon nodded.

“Please-it’s been too long, was stupid enough to let you go-”

“Shh-don’t, baby-”

Leakee leaned forward that last little bit and pressed those gorgeous, plush lips against Jon’s, and Jon immediately moaned, his arms going up around Leakee’s shoulders. Jon hadn’t kissed anyone in a long time, and even if he had, it would never compare to Leakee. Nothing could. This kiss felt just like every other kiss between them had, it was...perfect. It was perfect, feeling Leakee’s mouth move against his own, experiencing firsthand the quiet noises he made when Jon squeezed his shoulders or licked at his lips, the warmth and smell of him. God. This was what had been missing from his life for so long-all these years, all the people he’d fucked to try and forget Leakee, nothing compared or mattered. He had Leakee with him, in his arms, holding him, his lips pressed tight to Leakee’s. 

He didn’t even realize that Leakee was crying until they broke the kiss for air.

“Hey-what’s-what’s wrong? Is this-is it still okay-”

Leakee nodded, and he pressed his forehead against Jon’s. 

“God-yeah, it’s still okay, it’s perfect-I missed you so, so much-I thought you hated me for a while-”   
“I could never ever for anything hate you-”

Leakee kissed him again, tangling his fingers in Jon’s hair. They were so close to each other, and if they stopped there for the night, Jon would be perfectly happy with that. He just wanted to be near Leakee, to keep doing this. Hell. Just sleeping in the same bed with him.

“Baby-I want-can we-”

“Tell me what you want, honey-c’mon-”

He watched as Leakee swallowed, heated brown eyes directed at him, intense as always.

“I-I want you, I want to-I haven’t made love in a long time, and-”

“Fuck-”

Leakee didn’t want to fuck, he wanted to  _ make love _ . That was different. That was something Jon hadn’t had with anyone else, and if Leakee wanted that, he was going to jump at the opportunity.   
“-yes, c’mon-I want it, I want us to-”

He cupped Leakee’s head in both hands and pulled him in for another kiss-he really couldn’t seem to stop kissing him, he’d lost years worth of time to do that and he didn’t want to lose another moment. He’d been so stupid, letting this go, losing this, but some power in the universe had decided that he was worthy of a second chance with the most amazing man on the planet. Jon slipped his fingers under Leakee’s shirt, pushing the fabric up until his chest was uncovered. Leakee pulled away and grinned, sheepish and sweet, his cheeks tinted red. 

“I’m-I gained a little weight-”

“I know, and you look-you’re so fucking sexy, honey-”

Leakee quietly inhaled, tugging his shirt off all the way, and Jon rubbed one hand over his belly, squeezing and squishing the softness, drawing out more tiny gasps and breaths. Jon grinned, rubbing his fingertip against Leakee’s belly button, dipping into it, adoring the way Leakee’s plush lips parted. He grabbed one of Leakee’s hands, guiding it to grip at his ass. He swallowed, blushing when he felt Leakee’s big hand massaging and fondling his ass.

“Uh-you should-you should probably top-”   
“Not that I mind, but-why?”

Jon closed his eyes, chewing on his lip for a moment. 

“Sometimes-I have-sometimes I can’t...it’s hard to get it up-cause of all the drugs, it-fucked up my body and brain and that’s probably not something you wanted to hear-”

Leakee gripped Jon’s chin, and Jon opened his eyes, feeling the silent and gentle command through the action.

“Whoa, hold on-hold on, baby, it’s okay-I know that happens sometimes, after-all that you’ve been through, that’s not-I’m not disappointed or anything, I just wanna be with you, however you want me to do that. As-as long as it’s you, nothing else matters to me.”

Jon swallowed again, and just barely nodded.

“I-I want it to be good for you-”

“Shh, shh-”

Jon would usually hate someone shushing him, but Leakee doing it just made him feel comfortable and safe and cared for.

“-baby, it’ll be amazing-like I said, if it’s you….then it’s perfect.”

Jon knew he would still get frustrated, because he always got frustrated with his body, but he tried to remember that it would still feel amazing, and even more importantly, he was with Leakee. That was what really mattered, and anything they did would make Jon happy, just for the fact that it was them, finally together again. Leakee kissed at his neck, one big hand on Jon’s ass again, his fingers slipping under the waistband of his boxers. 

“Can I take these off?”

“Take yours off too and you got a deal-”

Leakee grinned against Jon’s skin and moved off of him, stripping his own boxers off. He was already hard, his cockhead wet and dark, and Jon swallowed a whimper. 

“Fuck-”

He felt a hand in his hair, fingers stroking through it, and Jon closed his eyes. Leakee always knew just how to touch him. He pushed his head against Leakee’s palm, sighing. 

“-that-mmm…..feels good-”

“What do you want me to do, baby?”

“I dunno. Just wanna keep feeling good with you.”

Leakee scratched at Jon’s scalp, the two of them taking a moment to just touch each other and cuddle. It felt exactly like it always had, only...better. Maybe because of the long wait, but Jon suspected that it would just always feel like this with Leakee. 

“Can you-”

Jon opened his eyes, looking up at Leakee.

“Can you…..use your mouth on me?”

Leakee’s cheeks flushed and Jon saw his cock twitch, dripping and heavy, and Jon pulled away to lay on his back, pulling his boxers off and spreading his legs. Leakee scooted down the bed until he was between Jon’s thighs. He was half-hard, which Jon thought was impressive considering his more recent record. Leakee didn’t hesitate to wrap his fingers around the shaft, putting his lips around the head and gently sucking. Jon yelped, and gripped Leakee’s hair in fistfuls.

“Oh-fuck-I d-didn’t think you were gonna-that fast-”

Leakee grinned around him and kept sucking, bobbing his head up and down, seemingly uncaring of the fact that Jon wasn’t getting more aroused. Well-he was, the heat was quickly building in his core, but it wasn’t showing. And Leakee still wrapped his arms around Jon’s thighs, keeping him in place, making sure he could keep sucking Jon’s cock as long as he damn well pleased. They’d never had strict places and roles in bed, both of them happy to do whatever would make the other happy, and Jon was happy to let Leakee take the lead this time around. Leakee licked a line on Jon’s shaft, teasing the ridge of his head until Jon felt tears pricking at his eyes. 

“S-honey-stop, that’s-”

Leakee pulled away with a grin. 

“Sensitive?”

Jon nodded, and Leakee kissed at the very base of his cock, over his balls, down further, and Jon felt a blush from his ears to his chest realizing what Leakee had in mind. 

“Are you-do you wanna do that?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I? We used to do this to each other all the time-unless-I mean, if you don’t like it, I can-”

“No, I do, I just….do you wanna use some protection, or-”

“Are you clean?”

Jon nodded. Possibly the only thing he’d been lucky about in life was that he had only ever gotten very curable sexually transmitted infections, and nothing that was permanent. 

“Then-I mean-now that I have you, I don’t….don’t really plan on having sex with anyone else, and I’m clean, so-unless you want me to?”

Jon brought his thumb to his mouth, before yanking it away quickly. Leakee frowned up at him.

“Hey, you can-if you need to do that, I’m not gonna judge you.”

Jon swallowed, and slowly brought his thumb back up to his mouth, sucking on it. It really did sooth him, and he  _ really _ needed to do it right now. As perfect and right as this felt, he was still nervous. 

“If-I don’t have to use my mouth there, if you don’t want?”

“No, I-I still like it, just-um-maybe-maybe use protection this time? And-we can go get tested together?”

Leakee smiled up at him, kissing his hip. 

“Okay, baby. We’ll set up an appointment later, alright? Where do you keep your condoms?”

Jon grabbed a box from beside the bed-he didn’t really have sex anymore, but he did keep condoms around in case he didn’t want to clean up any mess he made on his own, or for the number of times that Taylor and Becky had asked for them. He handed Leakee one, and lube, and a dental dam (also mostly kept around for his friends). Leakee kissed his hip again, nuzzling the soft skin, before opening a condom and rolling it onto Jon’s cock.

“Sorry, I should’ve asked before I put my mouth on you-”

“It’s-’s okay, just-wanna do this right, you know?”

Leakee looked up at him, his eyes warm and blown out with black, and he smiled. 

“I know, baby.”

He wrapped his lips around Jon’s cock again, closing his eyes and humming. Jon hadn’t gotten any harder, but damned if it didn’t still feel good. He bobbed his head up and down, still humming, one hand reaching between Jon’s legs to stroke over his hole. Jon gasped and arched his back, surprised by the sensation. Leakee didn’t press or try to penetrate him yet, just gently rubbed his fingertip over the rim. Something just made it feel so over-sensitive, and Jon felt his hole twitching and tightening, and he rocked his hips back, trying to get more. He felt Leakee smile around him again, and then felt Leakee’s finger, but covered in slick, pressing against him. He slowly, steadily pressed it inside, and Jon threw his head back, gasping, making his body relax.

“Mnnn-fuck-oh-oh!”

It had been a long time since anyone had put their fingers inside of Jon, but no one ever felt as good as Leakee’s did. And his fingers had only gotten bigger and thicker since they were younger, and Jon clenched around it tight, reaching down and grabbing Leakee’s shoulder. 

“Please-more-”

“You want more, baby?”

“Fuck, don’t tease, it’s been too fuckin’ long-”

Leakee huffed out a laugh and pushed a second finger in, a lot less gently, and put his mouth on Jon’s cock again, sucking hard while his fingers thrusted back and forth, stroking inside of Jon for the first time in years. 

“Fuck-honey-oh-please fuck me-”

Leakee pulled off and moved up the bed, keeping his fingers in Jon, kissing at Jon’s neck and cheek and nose, anywhere he could. 

“Fuckin’ missed you so much, baby-missed touching you like this, hearing your voice get all high-”

Almost on cue, Jon let out a high-pitched whine. He spread his legs just that much wider, turning his head to look at Leakee. 

“Please-missed you too, I missed-I missed everything, I love you-”

“I love you too, c’mon-stay on your back, will you hold yourself open for me?”

Jon felt his whole body flush, and he nodded, reaching under himself and spreading himself open, knowing his face was probably red as a stop sign. He was embarrassed, but it wasn’t really a bad sort of feeling; it was more like the first time they’d made love, honest and messy and unabashedly open. Like it was supposed to feel. He watched as Leakee pulled a condom on, stroking himself a few times with a lube-covered hand to get himself slick. He got between Jon’s legs, one hand gripping his cock, and he paused. 

“Do-are you sure I opened you up enough?”

“Y-yeah, and-I want it to-I wanna really feel it-”

Leakee gently nudged at Jon’s hole, rocking his hips forward just a bit, an inch at a time, pushing further with each thrust, and Jon gasped, feeling his toes flex instinctively. He hadn’t had anything like this inside him in a long time, and he forgot how much he adored it, adored the feeling of Leakee fucking him, watching Leakee above him, the little shifts in expression as he bottomed out inside Jon. His plush lips were parted and Jon leaned up, pressing his lips to Leakee’s.

“F-fuck-I-”

“I kn-know-oh my God-”

Leakee pressed the whole front of his body to Jon, leaning his weight on him, and Jon almost wanted to cry from how good it felt, how  _ real _ it felt. Leakee was inside him, on top of him, and it was everything Jon had been missing the past few years. Jon cupped Leakee’s cheeks, stroking his thumbs over his prominent cheekbones. 

“Move-”

Jon gasped when Leakee followed the order, moving his hips back, pulling out halfway before he thrust back in, keeping a slow, steady pace, but his movements were sharp, making sure Jon felt what was happening. Jon reached between them and stripped the condom off of his cock, wrapping his own fingers around himself and stroking. He knew it probably wouldn’t do any good, but he could at least try, and the sensation felt nice anyway. Leakee leaned down and kissed Jon’s cheek, nuzzling where there was stubble. He quietly whimpered, and Jon filed the sound away in his head, remembering what Leakee sounded like when Jon squeezed down around his cock. Which, God, he’d missed so fucking much. It was thick and long and the head hit every spot inside of Jon  _ just _ right.

They moved together, easy and like nothing had changed between them; really, nothing had. They still loved each other, they still  _ knew _ each other. Time had passed and they had grown, but that love and that knowledge of each other didn’t change. Jon wrapped his legs around Leakee’s waist, still stroking his cock, and Leakee grunted, shifting on his knees and pumping his hips harder. 

“God-fuckfuck-Jon-you feel so good, baby-forgot how fuckin’ tight you are-missed feeling you under me-”

“Oh God-yeah-y-oh! Oh fuck-”

Jon had wanted to talk more, but Leakee had started slamming right against Jon’s prostate, and Jon squeezed his eyes shut, whining and holding onto Leakee tighter, his free hand tangling in Leakee’s hair. He felt that energy, that tightness build in his middle, and he began panting, his hand losing rhythm and Leakee fucked him harder, hauling Jon’s thighs over his arms and practically folding him in half. Jon loved this position, he loved being malleable under Leakee’s sheer physical power and bulk, and his eyes rolled back in his head, his cock twitching in his hand and shooting cum onto his chest. His lips dropped open and he tugged on Leakee’s hair. Jon could hear him gasp at that, and he drove harder into Jon. 

“Fuck-you-”

“Yeah, I-oh-fuck-felt so good-please, come inside me-”

Jon couldn’t wait for them to get tested, because the moment they got confirmation, Jon was going to ride Leakee until they both couldn’t walk. He watched as Leakee got closer and closer, memorizing every little change on Leakee’s face, how his cheeks got dark and a sheen of sweat appeared on his forehead, his gorgeous lips parted and his long hair hanging down around his face. He was stunning, as stunning as he’d always been, and Jon cupped his cheek. 

“Please-I love you, I want-”

“I-Jon-”

Leakee shoved his face against Jon’s neck and lost any trace of control, Jon holding him while he sharply thrust over and over into Jon, finally stilling, twitching on top of him, and Jon swore he could feel Leakee pulse inside him. He whimpered against Jon’s skin, sniffling, and Jon stroked a hand over his hair.

“Honey?”

Leakee didn’t speak for a long moment, and Jon realized he was crying, rolling them both onto their sides so he could look at him. He stroked his thumbs under Leakee’s big, beautiful, wet brown eyes, wiping away his tears. 

“Oh-honey-”

“S-sorry, I-uh-I really missed you-”

His voice broke on the last word, and Jon just pulled him close, shushing him, his own eyes hot with tears. 

“It’s-it’s okay-I missed you too, I-I gotta think God’s real and decided to give me a fucking break, cause-fuck-nothing is as good as having you-”

Leakee leaned up and pressed his lips to Jon’s, reiterating that statement without speaking. It was….a very long time coming, this moment, this whole day. Jon couldn’t think of anything he could ever want after this, other than to stay clean and healthy so he never lost Leakee again. He’d set the universe on fire before he lost Leakee again.

\---

It was almost four in the morning, and Jon’s eyes were tired, but he didn’t care. He didn’t want to sleep and find out this had all been some perfect dream. He wanted to stay awake with Leakee for as long as possible. At the moment, Leakee was on his back, and Jon was pressed against his side, his head pillowed on Leakee’s shoulder, the fingers of one hand tracing over the tattoos on Leakee’s shoulder and leg, and Leakee had told him about the meaning of every line inked into his skin. 

“It’s really beautiful. Both are. I know-I remember how important getting these done were for you.”

“Thank you. You always….I never dated anyone else who was so interested in my culture and learning about Samoa, and I always-I always loved that about you. You just wanted to know about me and what made me the person I am, and...I dunno. That always meant a lot to me.”

Jon smiled, and Leakee poked at his dimples.

“God, you still have the most adorable smile ever.”

“Oh-shut up, I don’t-”

“Yeah, you do.”

They both laughed, and Jon snuggled closer, closing his eyes and sighing. Another string of silent seconds. 

“I...I really thought I’d lost you, for all those years.”

Jon bit his lip, considering that, and he reached across the bed, under it, pulling out that little velvet bag. He heard Leakee inhale as he pulled out the compass, opening it and setting it on Leakee’s chest so that he could see the picture inside. 

“I…..I got lost. Always thought this helped me find my way back. Helped me find my way back to you.”

He watched as Leakee swallowed, tears at those warm eyes again. 

“I’m never letting you get lost like that ever again, Jon. And-if I can’t make sure, then I’m gonna make sure that  _ you _ never let yourself get lost like that again.”

Jon leaned up, kissing Leakee’s cheek, then his lips. He knew that was true, and he knew that it was, in the end, his own responsibility to make sure that he didn’t lose himself again, but having Leakee by his side would undoubtedly make that an easier, happier task.


End file.
